We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
