It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
