I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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