I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...