Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
