Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.

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(405): I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat. http://tfl.nu/2u5h

Replies (17) Good night (2493) Bad night (921)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

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(505): He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis. http://tfl.nu/qfyr

Replies (37) Good night (4257) Bad night (598)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

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(301): I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus? http://tfl.nu/vinz

Replies (20) Good night (4195) Bad night (927)
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(585): View more from New York

The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.

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(585): The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi. http://tfl.nu/64lh

Replies (10) Good night (3914) Bad night (1229)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.

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(419): Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/o1pz

Replies (12) Good night (1337) Bad night (2643)
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(850): View more from Florida

He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.

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(850): He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville. http://tfl.nu/tme9

Replies (20) Good night (1050) Bad night (2527)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.

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(412): Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator. http://tfl.nu/e8nd

Replies (6) Good night (1772) Bad night (544)
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(940): View more from Texas

you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.

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(940): you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can. http://tfl.nu/3ex5

Replies (7) Good night (845) Bad night (941)
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(813): View more from Florida

EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?

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(813): EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order? http://tfl.nu/uphg

Replies (29) Good night (3809) Bad night (670)
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(585): View more from New York

Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.

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(585): Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now. http://tfl.nu/sd9m

Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (524)
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(619): View more from California

That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.

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(619): That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions. http://tfl.nu/77kt

Replies (2) Good night (1401) Bad night (421)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water

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(701): I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water http://tfl.nu/kjo7

Replies (4) Good night (371) Bad night (1531)
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(954): View more from Florida

The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that

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(954): The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that http://tfl.nu/l3dv

Replies (9) Good night (874) Bad night (492)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles

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(+61): I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles http://tfl.nu/20ya

Replies (3) Good night (1574) Bad night (394)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.

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(412): Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is. http://tfl.nu/yq5o

Replies (7) Good night (1172) Bad night (481)

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