I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...