Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay