she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
