i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
