Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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