brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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