I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
