If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
