Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
