I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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