Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
