That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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