Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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