Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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