update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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