As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
