Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I smell stomach acid.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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