You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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