I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
