i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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