I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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