remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
