Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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