your parents love me but you hate me
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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