I puked a lego.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
