the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
