She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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