i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
