I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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