Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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