he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
