Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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