I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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