I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
