Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
