she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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