dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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