While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A bitchslap is in order.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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