i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
