I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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