woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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