he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
