How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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