OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
