Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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