Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
