she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
