oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
