I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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