I can tuck mytits in my pants
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
