I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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