we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk is a universal language darling
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
