Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
