why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
