He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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