great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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