that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
