Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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