he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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