I'm gonna have a badass scar
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
