i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Everything about him screamed your future.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
