I cannot find my penis.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
