i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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