She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
