I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
